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Free
Tips to Improve
Self Esteem
By Stephen Hill
Author Stephen Hill
http://www.internet-webdesign.co.uk
http://www.stutter-stuttering.com
http://www.stammering-stuttering.co.uk
http://www.lasik-laser-surgery.co.uk
FREE CONFIDENCE TIPS
1. DRUNK!
At the age of sixteen I was invited out for the evening on a Saturday
night to celebrate a friend’s birthday. This for most people would be
something to look forward to, for me it was something to dread.
Socializing and ordering drinks for somebody who has a stutter is bad
enough, but I regularly seemed to bare the brunt of the evening’s
jokes about me height, weight and occasionally my bald patch. Even
though my friend’s were not doing this to be cruel, I was very
paranoid about myself at that age and this banter would hurt.
I had often been out for evenings where I drank alcohol, however up to
this point had never been drunk. On this particular night the drink
flowed and before long I found myself a little worse for ware. The
results of which would later change my life.
I found myself talking to lots of different people, some of which I did
not know, even girls! My whole character and personality started to
change, I was telling jokes and when someone made a comment about my
weight for example, I laughed and even came back with a derogatory
comment about him, joining in the banter and seemingly enjoying it.
My attitude changed, for example instead of thinking that a certain girl
might not want me because of my weight, stutter or height, I thought to
myself, she will want me, I’m a good person and could make her laugh.
My whole outlook was far more positive and my confidence was buzzing. It
was a superb and very enjoyable night.
The next morning I awoke not feeling the best with a bad hangover. One
of the highlights of the previous night was that I had been given a
phone number from one of the girls I had met. I told her that I would
phone her to arrange a date, however I was now sober, back to my normal
self and no did not have the confidence to ring. This girl thinks I am
fluent, how would she react if I stutter, I wondered.
I went to bed most disappointed with myself but started to analyse the
differences between when I had been drunk to when I was sober. The
conclusion was obvious, when drunk I can talk, I don’t care about my
weight, lack of height etc. When sober I have a lack of confidence and
am paranoid about certain aspects about my person. I knew that I could
not be drunk 24/7 and that what I needed to do was to become a harder
person, less paranoid etc. I had to be mentally drunk all of the time
without being physically drunk. I knew this would be hard to achieve but
in the future possibly when I was older would be a must.
This attitude is hard to achieve, however using some of the following
methods became a reality for me a number of years later.
2. YOU HAVE TO START TO LIKE YOURSELF!
At the age of twenty-two I decided to as already stated deal with and
try to overcome some of the issues in my life. I started to read various
books, like mind over matter and positive thinking type books.
In one such book it had a line which read:
“You need to start to like yourself”
I put the book down and starting to think and realised that I didn’t
actually like myself. I hated being overweight, shorter than average,
having a bald patch and especially having a speech impediment.
I carried on reading and it went on to say:
“There are various things about one’s self which even though we
don’t like we are unable to change, therefore we have to accept them.
Other aspects we can change therefore we have to work extremely hard
with determination to eradicate them.
Once again I put the book down and thought about this. Firstly my
height, am I ever going to grow any taller? The answer is no, there is
nothing I can do to increase my height at the age of twenty-two
therefore I have to accept it. From reading more of the book later I
realised that I was being over-sensitive about this and some of my other
issues. There are a lot of people out there a lot worse off than I am.
Does my current height hurt me in anyway or affect my life in any major
negative way, again the answer is no.
Secondly, the bald area on my head. As with the above hair is not going
to start growing in that area of my scalp, I have had the bald patch
since birth and therefore have to accept the fact and even try to like
it.
Then there is my weight. This is something that I could change,
therefore I have to work hard to lose the weight. I have to accept
certain sacrifices; such as to eat less fatty foods and be disciplined
to reach my target weight, however long it might take.
Finally there is my speech impediment. I had had a stutter since the age
of four and for me this was the most important of all of my issues. I
was not sure if I would be able to achieve fluency, however in my mind
believed I could. If I can talk when I am drunk I should be able to talk
when I am fluent. I was not going to accept having a stutter for the
rest of my life until I had worked hard to eradicate it. Work hard I did
and eventually I overcome this major issue in my life.
I advise people that the above were my own personal issues and that each
individual has to identify there own. It is then a case of accepting the
issues which can not be changed and working hard to overcome the ones
that can.
3. ATTITUDE
I was somebody who wanted to be like by everybody. If anybody criticised
me or called me names, I would easily be offended and my confidence
would drop. As an example from the age of about seventeen I would go out
with my friends most Friday and Saturday nights to public houses and
sometimes to a night club. I remember one Saturday morning, aged about
eighteen, waking up feeling quite ill, very hung over. I had consumed
far too much alcohol on the previous evening. I looked in my wallet and
had also spent far too much money. I decided that I would stay in on the
Saturday night, just for a change. During the afternoon I had a phone
call from a friend called Phil. He asked me where we going that night.
After telling him that I was not going out, he called me boring on
numerous occasions, offering to lend me money, saying that I had changed
etc. I didn’t want him to think of me in this way however stuck to my
guns, eventually he put the phone down on me in a mood. Within a few
minutes another friend phoned asking why I was not going out, also
calling me various names including boring. I ended up going out.
At this age I did not have enough respect for myself, I was too
concerned what people thought of me and was easily persuaded into doing
things and going places that I in didn’t want to.
After reading some of the books as mentioned above I realised this and
asked myself a question:
“Am I boring”
I have lots of interests, theatre, cinema, eating out, chess, football,
snooker, golf, horse racing, tennis, music to name a few. By this age I
was becoming bored of going out drinking alcohol. I decided to be strong
and stated to my friends that I was now only going out drinking once a
month. Originally, every Friday and Saturday night people would phone
asking me if I was going out, if I declined I was criticised, your so
boring for example. My new found attitude, though hard at first to adopt
and follow through meant that I didn’t really care and I certainly
didn’t bow to pressure.
One particular friend, Phil, was particularly verbally aggressive and
demanding, calling me different names. He was seemingly in shock that
someone was standing up to him. On one afternoon I fought back and said
to him:
“Whatever you say, whatever you call me, I am not going out tonight,
however I will go out with you on Tuesday night if you want to”
He agreed to this so I asked him if he wanted a game of snooker, or
golf, or a trip to the cinema or theatre. He thought all of these
options were “boring”. I mentioned other interests of mine such as
chess, again all of the options I mentioned he didn’t find
interesting. I said to him:
“OK, where would you like to go?”
“What about the pub for a few beers?”
I laughed at Phil and said:
“I’m sorry mate you’re the one who is boring not me”.
I then put the phone down on him for a change.
My attitude was beginning to change for the better. I was becoming
harder and stronger mentally. A few years later I met my present fiancee
and I soon realised I was a long way off the level I wanted to be. Her
name is Sharron and a couple of weeks after we had met she invited me to
a night out with some of her friends who she said wanted to meet me. I
knew I had to go even though in reality it was the last thing I wanted
to do. I was worried what her friends might think of me etc. I did
attend and managed to cope, however I was very quiet, felt uncomfortable
throughout the evening and felt very nervous. I was glad to get back to
the safety of my own home! A couple of weeks later I was invited to meet
her parents and immediately I had the same feelings as above and the
night passed in a similar way with me having a distinct lack of
confidence etc.
About a month later Sharron agreed to accompany me to a wedding in
Birmingham
where I was born. On this day she would meet most of my friends and
family for the first time. As we were driving on the motorway I thought
she must be a bit nervous. I asked her if she was OK and if she was
slightly nervous. She replied:
“What have I got to be nervous about?”
“Well your meeting my family and friends later. Are you not concerned
what they will think of you?”
“Steve, I don’t care what they think of me. It’s what you think
that counts and I know you like me!”
This was not a front she was putting on. Suddenly I realised how far I
was away from the attitude to life and attitude to people I wanted to
have. Sharron has helped me to reach that level. Being around positive
people at this stage was very beneficial to me.
If you are interested in a free link exchange program where you receive
ten backward links please access http://www.internet-webdesign.co.uk.
About the Author
Stephen Hill now helps people to improve their confidence. He has
a website at http://www.gain-confidence.co.uk.
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